Anorexics beware, you’ll never sleep properly again…

Do you manage to sleep, interrupted, for more than 3 hours at a time?

If you do, I’m incredibly jealous.

Since suffering anorexia I have not managed to have a good night’s sleep for four years now. I used to be able to sleep through 7,8,9 hours straight. Sure I’d stir a couple of times in the night, but I’d nod off straight after.

Now however, my sleep consists of 4 or 5 wakings, with it getting harder to nod off the later the wake. It doesn’t matter if I go to bed on a full stomach, or if it’s a couple of hours after dinner, my sleep consists of (for example)

• Go to bed at 10
• Wake at 11, hungry
• Go back to sleep, wake at 1:30ish (longest stint)
• Sleep
• Wake at 3
• Sleep
• Wake at 4:15
• Try and get back to sleep, if successful…wake around 6. If not, stay up.

It’s been like that for years now. It was even worse in my really bad anorexic days, I’d wake and need to pee too. So much so I had to have a water deprivation test for diabetes insipidus. 12 hours of no water – and I was still peeing every hour! They had to jab my arse with ADH (anti diuretic hormone), and it was like turning a tap off.

I’ve been prescribed sleeping tablets before – Tamazepan, Zopiclone, Buspar.. they don’t work either. They used to, but I’ve built up a resistance to Tamazepan, and Zopiclone gives horrible amnesia.

*Yawn*

I kick myselves sometimes for suffering from this horrible disease, I just want to be able to sleep properly again.

What are your sleeping habits? Do you wake in the night too?

Big love

AC

Three months later…

Hi everyone, how are you all? Sorry I’ve been absent for a while, but I’ve had lots on mind – life’s been pretty mental.

Here goes..

I quit my job

Two days after my last blogpost I quit my job. Yep, in the current economic climate I made the decision to jack it in and take a chance on finding something else.

I couldn’t take it any more, sitting in an office with a bully for a boss. Someone who was such a control freak she read my emails, listened to my phonecalls, timed my morning arrival and evening leaving down to the second.

I had given up a better paid job, a company car and a blackberry mobile for this job. It was in PR, a chance to get back doing what I love best and writing, but after five weeks I thought “fuck it”. I couldn’t take it and so I walked.

I wrote a letter of resignation and posted it through the door, and I was suddenly unemployed and another extra +1 on the scrapheap.

I signed on

I signed on immediately, but let me tell you that it’s not fun. The amount of forms you have to fill in is crazy. I also managed to get Disability Living Allowance – my doctor signed all the forms because I’m underweight. But guess how much I got? £19 a week – the lowest grade. People with bad backs get more – and are their lives at risk? I’ll let you be the judge of that.

I applied everywhere

Hunting for a job is not fun.

Hunting for a job with a mental illness is even worse. The constant rejection after rejection made me feel low and depressed.

Daytime TV sucked away my soul – I felt I had nothing to live for, but kept plugging away, sending out CV after CV.

I joined the local gym

I know I know. “You’re underweight AC – why the hell did you join a gym?”

Well because I had nothing to do it was the perfect way to let off some steam, gave me a place to go to during the day, somewhere to read the local paper and bury my head in a book while on the exercise bike. Plus it’s true what they say, exercise does make you feel better.

And that was my life. Day in. Day out. From August 13th – November 1st.

You may be thinking at this point either a) holy hell you were brave, congrats on making the big decision to b) you’re mental, you gave up a job and an income in the current economic climate?

Well, the good news is that I GOT ANOTHER JOB!!!!

Yep. That’s right. I managed to get back into the world of work, and have been working as a PR and Social Media Consultant for a local company here since 7th November and I love it.

I’m appreciated.

I’m making our clients happy (I got a big department store over 1,100 Facebook fans in 2 weeks which got picked up in the local press)!

I’ve made some friends with people my own age (no more stuck in that office with just the bully boss for company)

And that’s what I’ve been up to!

I’m still underweight, but I’ve got a purpose in life again. I’d just like a girlfriend I suppose….so if you could sort it for Christmas that would be marvellous.

More tomorrow!

AC 🙂

Hi there

Sorry I’ve been away for a while.

I’ll resume this blog tomorrow…so much has happened over the past three months.

More to come

AC